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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22671898">When She Loved Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/simonsays127/pseuds/simonsays127'>simonsays127</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drabble, Gen, based on the events of this year ahaha, no but fr fuck my old best friend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:22:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22671898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/simonsays127/pseuds/simonsays127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Breaking up hurts more when it’s with your best friend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Yerim | Choerry &amp; Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When She Loved Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was cliche. The whole ‘nothing ever lasts forever thing.’ The saying was right, though. No matter how cheesy or movie esc the phrase was, it stood true. People leave. You have to get over it and if you can’t... then you’re weak.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I suppose that means I’m weak.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">To be fair, I fought. I fought so hard for my friendship and for her love. Not even in a more then friends type of way too. That was the real kicker. I brush aside my own damn feelings for her just for her to leave me for new friends.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I have nobody now in days. People tell me “That can’t be true!” but it is, no matter how pitiful it sounds. My ‘friends’ aren’t my friends like she was. They leave me behind. I’m last place in all their hearts. They all have friends they put above me. So, yeah, on the surface level I’m happy with tons of friends but deep down, I have nothing.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She was my one true friend. On our middle school field trips, we held hands as we went on roller coasters and crazy theme park rides. We wrote in each other’s year books. I told her “Let’s stay together forever!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Despite her cold exterior, I knew when she responded with an “Of course,” she meant “I would never think of leaving you.” Now that I reflect upon my thoughts, I was a fool to believe that someone as perfect as her would stay with a faulty girl like me. Even if she had flaws, I never saw them. Now I do.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I’m not blind anymore.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">That’s a lie, actually. I’m still blind. Despite my bitterness towards her, I still can’t bring myself to hate her. My eyes are filled with longing every time we pass in the hall. I wish that my history teacher assigns me as her project partner next time we have a new presentation due. I dream of her when I sleep. Those dreams are always so real. So real that when I wake, I check my phone to see if she sent me our old good morning texts.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">My ‘friends’ still talk to her. I wish they’d tell me about what she’s up to, if she thinks of me. They never do. I’m always left in the dark, led to believe she has forgotten about me while I’m still hung up on her.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I still cry over her when our songs come on or when I remember the moments we shared. The times we held hands or the inside jokes we made throughout our years together. In a sense, she was like a lover to me, minus the kissing and all. Maybe that’s why I still cling to her memory as if she is still with me.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Yerim, are you ok?” My new ‘best friend’ Yeojin asked. “The bell rang like three minutes ago and you still haven’t moved a muscle.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I cleared my head and nodded. “Sorry, I was distracted.” I picked up my biology textbook, shoving it into my bag. I apologized to Yeojin again, dropping her off at her class before heading to lunch or as I called it, my own personal hell.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">My usual seat was open. Nobody sat with me. Well nobody who cared for me anyway. Just a couple of lower classmen who chatted away with each other and another girl in my grade who worked on homework the whole period. I put my bag down on the floor and took a seat at the table. One of the freshmen waved at me so I waved back out of sheer kindness.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I was such a kind person. People took advantage of that. Just like she did. I shook off the thought before it began flooding my senses with her. Her sweet scent, her beautiful eyes, her soft lips, her smooth skin. Her. And as if everything was on cue, she walked in with her new friends and my old friends.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She was animatedly talking with my ex friend Chaewon when we made eye contact. I felt my body shiver as her piercing eyes stabbed into my already damaged heart. One that she herself damaged. She smiled my way and went back to talking with <strike>our</strike></span>
  
  <span class="s2">her friend.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The cracked organ beating inside my chest broke into two. The halves fell into my stomach which dissolved the vital part into butterflies that flapped their wings violently, causing my body to shake harshly. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t do it in front of faceless kids that didn’t care about me.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I needed to be alone.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">So I went to the bathroom and let out everything I suppressed for months. Sobs wracked through out my body so violently that the butterflies inside of my stomach came up through my throat and choked me so the words that wanted to be spoken stayed instead my brain. The words that would of came out as strangled pleas that begged her to come back to me.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Eventually I stopped crying. I didn’t really have the energy to get up after my episode, however, so I just sat there on the floor. She acknowledged me but what did that even mean? Does she care for me still? God, I need to stop thinking.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">After about ten minutes on the cold, filthy tiles of the school bathroom, I went back to the lunchroom to get my stuff and ask my mom to pick me up. I can’t do school right now.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I passed by Chaewon and her on my way to the table and they looked at me. Chaewon had the decency to say hi while she gave me the same uninterested look she always did. It made me believe that smile was directed towards someone else.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">And it was. She was actually looking past me and smiling at someone else. A transfer student named Vivi. I let out a bitter laugh. I really thought she cared about me like she used to. I should of known better.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">After all, Hyejoo didn’t love me anymore.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i want to confront my ex best friend so badly but i’m scared of confrontation lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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